it must be really wild to actually have a positive relationship with your father
some people really have that????
My next million dollar idea: reluctant exercise videos with people who aren’t perky.
"Just five more… I know, I kind of want to die right now too, but let’s just power through it."
"Okay, new yoga pose. It’s going to ache like a bastard until your hamstrings release, I’m not gonna lie."
"Stretch a little deeper… it’s okay to yell ‘fuck’ at this point, I won’t tell anyone."
MY BIRD IS SITTING IN THE TOP CORNER OF HER CAGE CALLING MY DOG’S NAME AND ASKING IF HE WANTS A TREAT AND IF HE WANTS TO GO TO OUTSIDE AND HE’S TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT’S HER SO EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE
SHE LAUGHS EVERYTIME TOO AND NOW HE’S JUMPING ON ME AND BARKING AND GETTING MAD AT ME LIKE OLIVER TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THAT HUGE ASS CAGE AND BEG HER FOR A FUCKING TREAT OR SOMETHING.
your bird is an asshole
(Source: eragonsshadeslayer, via eastberlin)